Experience is our lifetime teacher. It teaches us wonderful lessons that we packed up in our hearts as we grow up. Experience has many variety. Joyful experience, adventurous experience, embarrassing experience and many more. But part of this package of experience is the frequently ignored yet the most significant experience we can have. A painful experience. It's an experience that no one is willing to recall anymore. Either we are the offender or the offended, both of these, feel the same pain.
Nowadays people are driven by this painful experience. They are prisoners of their past. But, do you know that there is a secret key to escape from this bondage of painful experience? The key is forgiveness. A proper and true meaning of forgiveness can give us liberty from the cage of this emotional pain. We cannot let go with this kind of experience unless we find the right path to way out. There are some who don't know how to escape from this. As a result, they live in a hopeless and frustrated life. While some thinks that they really forgive but still pain remains in the buttom of their hearts. This improper act leads to a life full of resentment and bitterness. Both of these are unhelpful to ourselves.
The first thing that we must do is to have a proper knowledge about what forgiveness is. What are those myths stories about this and what are the facts. If you take the first step without proper knowledge about forgiveness can cause you to a much more painful results. This is what this article is all about. We will discuss two major points to clearly define what forgiveness is, contrary to what we usually know. So, enjoy reading. Let's start with the first point;
Forgiveness is not just a decision but an act of will. When we offended someone, the first thing that pop up in our mind to settle the issue is to say "sorry". And after we made an apology, we will live in a life of pretending. We usually pretends that nothing happened. Sometimes, we cover it up with good things and not so cute smile. But the pain was still there. Friction and burden are still bothering us. Why we feel weird? Remember that forgiveness takes time. It is not a one day event nor a one word of reconciliation. Forgiveness and restoration works together. Both of these elements are process. Takes time and effort. When we give apology to someone we offended, the next thing that we should do is to prove to him/her about the sincerity of our apology. This sincerity takes an act and not just mouth. Although, at first it will be toughed yet in the end of the day, it worth it. As an old adage has said, " Act speaks louder than words", so, as to the principle of true forgiveness. Stop saying sorry and start to move in the light of this word.
In making your forgiveness turns into reality of works, you must find out the caused of the quarrel. So from that point, you can make the first move. Uncomfortable feeling between you and the one you offended is started to heal slowly. Take time to heal and don't force it.
But remember that genuine forgiveness is two way. Forgiveness is not always ask in the part of the offender but also, the offended must do the same thing. Because a quarrel happened between two parties and not alone. So, for a healthy and effective way of forgiveness, two parties must take the courage to ask it. Both parties must prove to each other that they are sincered to their apologies.
The next point is, forgiveness precedes forgetting. Old saying said " Forgive and Forget" , is still true and applicable in all season of life. When we offended someone in any means, forgiveness is instantly given. But, whenever we recall the issue happened, bitterness slowly eats us. Why? Because we forgive but we failed to forget. We still lived in the past pain. We rethink it over and over in our mind. It is really unhelpful. You eventually realized that it is much more painful than the actual painful experience. We became irritated and annoyed figuring out why do we have that kind of feeling. The buttomline is, you forget to forget. Yes you forgive but that's not enough. You must do something that benefits you in a long run, the beauty of forgetting. Maybe, the one who offended you goes on in his life, happy and well- peace, but you, who still in the cage of unforgettable painful experience is having a hard time to move forward in life. And you cannot blame the offender or anyone else from surpassing you to move forward, because in the reality, it's no longer their liability, its yours. In this point of forgiveness is not about between you and the one who offended you or vise versa. This point is a battle between you and yourself. The greatest benefits of forgetting over forgiveness is we will feel peace. It gives us freedom from the bondage of our past. This long lasting peace and relieve are the rewards of having a true forgiveness. When we forgive and forget people that gave us painful experience, we can move forward easily. We can have a smooth transition to our goal without carrying to much load in our hearts. Although, forgetting is a tough decision to make, but it is a must.
Anyway, don't get me wrong when I say forget. The only thing that you must forget is the painful experience not the lesson you have learned from that experienced. Don't let this painful experienced happen to you again as much as possible. Learn from your past and make it as an asset to your present life. So, try to forget while we're forgiving.
That's it. When we want to become a victorious person against our painful experience, learn to forgive and make it as a lifestyle. We offend by many means and people but there is only one thing that can set us free from that, -practice forgiveness. Forgiveness with action and with the tender of forgetting. It helps us from letting go to our emotional pain that eats us alive.